


Unknown Reality

by zayntopsall



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Afterlife, Alternate Universe, M/M, Mental Illness, Psychological, Self-Harm, Sexual Content, Suicidal Attempts, Suicide, Thoughts about Life, Thoughts about death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-31
Updated: 2013-01-31
Packaged: 2017-11-27 16:02:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/663877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zayntopsall/pseuds/zayntopsall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One Direction didn’t exist. Nobody auditioned, nobody tried. But it doesn’t mean these five lads would never meet. They actually did – for some reasons that they all find themselves trying to face their own problems and taking hold of their sanity in a psychiatric ward.</p><p>This story revolves around Niall, who was confined by his parents after attempting to kill himself for the seventh time meeting the other lads in the ward: Louis, who believes he’s Peter Pan, Zayn who never says a word, Liam who just loves to run a lot and Harry, whose depression drives him in the state Niall is in.</p><p>Does meeting these four lads influence Niall and make him feel worse, or will he discover something more than what he’s been living for his whole life in a place where reality is unknown?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unknown Reality

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by movies/books: The Art of Getting By, It’s Kind of a Funny Story and Perks of Being a Wallflower. Hope you'll like it . x

I.

For the seventh time, Niall decided he’ll end his life – _for real_. After a number of failed attempts, Niall assumed that he need to end his life the way movies did it, not too painful, not too long for you to realize you’re dying, but just enough time to feel everything and have flashbacks of how miserable and somehow, good his life is before he could feel the impact of the water plunging into his body.

He wondered if he’d die of impact or he’d drown a bit, but he’d been thinking about it since last night that the only thing left to do was to actually do it. Not that it matters how it’d turn out anyway, him dying was something normal for his age. Depressed teenagers trying to find the one thing right in their lives, they try to venture every single day, looking for that one reason that could keep them alive and would keep them out of slashing their wrists or hanging themselves on a poorly knotted rope.

Niall did all of it. He tried to look for that one reason that would convince him that he should still wake up and think the world would be better the next day. People would understand him; they would believe what he says and they’d try to act as if they understand what he’s saying even though they really don’t.

But none of it was enough for him to stop on thinking how he’d end his life.

Niall stared into the water again, something he always did when he’s going for the suicidal attempt – ponder. Ponder on how miserable life is so he’ll be more convinced that this attempt would be worth it. Ponder on how things wouldn’t change even if he was gone. He wasn’t exaggerating on this part – he really believed and he was convinced enough to know that no one, not even his family would miss him even if he was gone.

Being thrown into the locker room and get beaten up just for fun was just part of Niall’s daily routine upon entering class or even before stepping into it. His classmates would remind him every single day how ugly he is, how he looked too innocent it was annoying, how he didn’t belong anywhere , how stupid he is and how he’s better off dead because he has no friends and nobody cares. Not even a single one.

Except that he does. He had a friend, namely ‘Michael’, the one who’s always with him when things get rough, the one who sits beside him in the cafeteria and the one who asks him how his day is even though it never changed. He was Niall’s bestfriend. Unfortunately, it seems like nobody wanted Michael as well, as people around him ignored him more than they ignored Niall.

The feeling of being not believed by anyone grew stronger when Niall decided he’ll introduce Michael to his family. He prepared everything, he cooked for his family and he let Michael sit beside him. That night when he finally called out Michael, expecting his family would be grateful he found one, they did the opposite of what he expected. His mum looked very concerned as she looked at him, so were his brother and his dad.

Niall felt confused that time. Why were they saying ‘sorry’ and telling him they’d been terrible parents? Michael was there, but none of them even bothered looking at him and greeted him, thanking him for being with Niall on his ups and downs. That was Niall’s first attempt on taking his life by jumping off of their roof, only to break his right arm.

When he woke up, he was glad to know he was still alive, remembering that Michael would be lonely without him. Michael was still there, smiling at him, but his family continued to ignore him. When he asked why they kept ignoring his friend, his mum said something that he should let Michael go for no apparent reason. During that time, Niall never spoke to his mum again.

His second attempt was a bit of a failure once again. It was after that time when his parents brought him to a Psychiatrist and made him participate into some tests that promised him would make him feel better. Michael was truly against it, but he was left with no choice, hearing his dad say that after he did this test, they’d let Michael eat dinner that night.

Of course, they lied.

Niall never saw Michael again. He was angry and lonely at the same time. He was screaming inside the room, asking where the hell Michael went and where they took him, but none of them would answer. He hated his family ever since and he felt sorry for Michael, not being able to say goodbye properly to his only friend was the worst feeling Niall experienced that he decided he’ll let that dull piece of blade cut his wrists.

But after a number of light scratches and two deep cuts, his dad found him in the bathroom and rushed him to the hospital.

He came back to school with bandages on his wrists, and somehow he thought that his classmates would feel sorry for him and what happened to Michael that they would start befriending him. But it just got worse and some of them even asked why he was still alive. He tried to drown himself in the school pool that time, but his body wasn’t used to holding its own breath that his attempt failed again.

The bullying continued as Niall’s grades kept fluctuating and he’s failing each of his class as days passed by. His parents never stopped scolding him on ‘what he’s trying to do with his life’ and ‘why is he acting like this’ and then they’ll bring up Michael again. He’d cry the whole night, and nothing would make him feel better. If crying could kill somebody, he bet he’d be dead the next day.

He tried again, but all of it was not even close to dying when he tried to hang himself but then he’d be afraid it’d be painful that he wasn’t even able to slip his neck on the rope. His other attempt was running across the streets, but then he’ll stop when the cars go rushing in front of him and in the end he’d just go home.

Even after all those failed attempts, nothing changed. Nobody asked him what was really wrong, nobody showed him that they care, they’d like to understand, or they’d like to help. All they did was assume and judge and think they know what’s wrong even though they don’t. And Niall was sick of this world.

He was sick of the reality he was living in. And he was sure as hell he was ready to jump out of it.

II.

“Name?”

_“Niall”_

“Whole name, please.”

“Oh – Niall. _Niall James Horan_.”

“Any particular reason why you tried to do that?”

Niall stared into the white wall for a while. He was still shocked of what happened back there, all too fast not everything registered. His feet were on the platform, ready to jump when two broad guys pulled him off saying a lot of things about how precious life is and death is not the answer to everything, Niall didn’t bother listening. He was rushed to the hospital, then after a few minutes, his parents arrived, hugged him and asked him what’s wrong.

The next thing he knew, his parents were crying, his dad hugged his mum and they weep silently as he watched them, wondering what he did this time to disappoint his parents.

“Excuse me, Niall. I need to know why you tried to jump off a bridge.”

Oh right. He was trying to kill himself, isn’t that obvious? “I want to kill myself.”

Niall saw how she tried to bite her lips from laughing. “I know that part, kiddo. A lot of you wanted to do that but what I’m asking is why do you want to kill yourself?”

“Too many to mention.” Niall said, exhaustion seeping into his whole body. “Can I go home now?”

“Oh no, you’re not coming home, Niall. You’re going to a place where you’d be taken care of to stop you from doing and thinking about what you did back there.”

“I don’t understand.”

“None of you did, honey.” The lady swept the hair away from her forehead. “But once you get there, you will.” The answer was too vague for Niall. He still had no idea where he was supposed to go, and why his parents were crying and left without even saying anything to him. They didn’t even wait for his answer when they asked him, ‘what’s wrong?’ if they did, maybe Niall it could’ve changed a little bit of what he thinks of his family.

He was brought to another room and asked him the same questions again and he answered the same way he did with the lady. When he was done, a tall guy with a weird, messy hairdo entered his room and asked to follow him.

“Where are we going? Niall asked.

“To a special place,” The guy said, smiling. “Oh, by the way, name’s Nick. I’ll be your guide for today and the next days to come.”

“Nick?” “Nick” nodded. “Where is this special place? And why am I staying there for the next days?”

Nick stopped in front of a green door. He sighed, and then faced Niall. “The special place is for special people, Niall. You’re special so you’re going to a special place. Sounds good, right?” He didn’t wait for Niall’s reply as he opened the door and waited for Niall to enter. He saw a stairway heading to another door. They silently took the flight upstairs, and Niall thought this could be some kind of joke, or maybe he was already in heaven or something near to that.

Was the lady back there the one who’s deciding if you’re going to hell or heaven? Is this Nick the one bringing him to the eternal happiness, was he God? He took a glance and he felt disappointed if he really was Him.

Nick held the doorknob, “I forgot to answer your other question. Why are you staying here for the next days? It is to actually see if you’re going to stay special or you’re going back to being normal. But mind you, if I were in your place, I’d stay here forever.” He said the last line almost into a whisper as if it was meant to be a secret.

The way Nick said the word _forever_ was inviting and Niall kept in mind that maybe, this special place was worth the try.

—-

When Nick opened the door, Niall thought really was heaven. White walls were everywhere, no signs of window or the outside world. Doors, chairs, tables: they were all white. He was almost about to believe this could really be the place for happiness and rainbows and angels flying above their heads when he saw a cabinet of medicines, papers, stretchers and few things that would definitely remind him he’s still in the hospital.

So maybe he wasn’t in heaven – but he still holds on to that special place Nick was trying to point out.

“Am I the only one here?”

“Good thing you asked!” Nick scribbled something on a blank paper and clipped into a corkboard. There were five papers on the board (including the paper Nick clipped) each of them having a small picture and descriptions that were too small for him to read.

“There are four people in here before you came, but now you’re here, well of course, you do the math, and you’re five. Luckily though, all of you are boys so there’s nothing to worry about. You could walk along the hallways naked and let your friend down there, breath and no one would fucking care.” Nick said. “So, let’s have a little tour, shall we?” He clapped his hands and Niall followed him from behind.

They stopped on the first thing Niall saw, the white table and chairs in the middle of the room. “This is the main hall, slash cafeteria slash meeting place that turns into some sort of stage when Louis’s here,” before he could ask who Louis was, Nick said, “you’ll meet him later, he just shows up out of nowhere, anyway.”

So Niall didn’t ask. They continued to walk and they stopped into another room that’s a lot different from what’s outside – the chairs and tables were colorful and there were all sorts of artworks and sculptures displayed inside.

“This is the art room. There are times where a certain person would come in here and teach you various things about arts. You cannot, not participate, understood?” Nick asked, his voice sounding a bit stern from before and so Niall nodded, he wasn’t going to argue about anything now.

“That’s the library, if you’re into books then you’ll love it thee, although there’s no porn magazines anywhere but if you’re desperate then you could ask me.” Nick sniggered, nudging Niall on his ribs from whatever he was finding as funny.

They went on the other side, and Niall figured that the whole floor was U-shaped. The main hall is the bottom part and the two sides are where the other rooms are located.

“These are your rooms. Since there are only five of you, we give you the freedom to have your own rooms, but when the numbers of you increase, which barely happens, you have to have a roommate. But as of now, you get your own room.”

Niall turned around, they were back into the ‘main hall’ and he never saw any sign of company in this floor.

“They must be in Louis’s room again, they always are.” Nick patted his shoulders and they went back where their rooms were located. He opened one door for his room. The white walls were still there, still no window, but there are two empty beds and a small room with no bathub and shower.

“How am I supposed to take a bath?” Niall asked, looking around for some kind of high-tech built-in automatic shower head or something.

“Pail and dipper, baby. We can’t risk losing you by putting in a bathtub where you could all drown yourselves in and a shower where you could strangle your neck with.” Nick explained, pointing towards the bright orange bucket and dipper right beside the door.

“So I’m in a psychiatric ward or something?”

“Nah, don’t want to call this place that way. This is a special place Niall, for special people like you.” Nick beamed. “Do you want me to introduce them to you or you want to be alone for a while? Try to take in everything that happened for the last 8 hours?”

“I guess I’ll just have to stay here for a while.” He walked towards his bed and sat there for a while. Nick watched him for a minute or two before asking again if he’s sure he wanted to be alone. “I just, I want to know. Is there any way I could see what’s happening outside?”

“There’s a rooftop at the end of the hallway, the view isn’t that good but you could see the sunset in there. Dinner will be served at 6; all of you are required to eat together, take the chance to meet your new friends.” Nick said before finally shutting the door and leaving Niall alone with his thoughts once again.

III.

Niall didn’t step out of the door until six. He wasn’t in shock anymore. He figured that after having too many suicidal attempts and almost successful on the last one, the psychiatric ward is the only place that might help him, okay, not a psychiatric ward, but a special place, whatever. Although he was still disappointed with his mum and dad, leaving him here without even ‘waiting’ for his answer on what was wrong.

He was ready to say all of it, to lash out all his anger he was trying to keep in for years, but again, they ignored him. They ignored Michael the way everybody else did and they didn’t try to understand him. Maybe this place really is special for people like him, people who lost their will to live. But this is a psychiatric ward, not an organization for teenagers who wanted to die. What are they going to do, fix them?

He could meet people worse than him, those who didn’t just lose the reason to live, but those who also lost their sanity. Niall wondered what kind of cases those other four had. He wished none of them would be some kind of murderer and go on a killing spree at night. He wanted to kill himself, not to actually get killed.

He turned to face the other bed. He can’t take out of his mind those words Nick said before he opened the door to this ward, ‘If I were in your place, I’d stay here forever’. Could this place be some kind of paradise for people like him? Would people understand him here? Would people believe him if he said something about his friend Michael or would they laugh at him like everybody else did?

When his eyes were starting to fall, he heard the door open with a ‘bang’ he bolted and sat up immediately. The lights were still on and he saw a guy, maybe the same age as he is, standing in front of him, hands on his waist and wearing a wide grin on his face. They stared at each other for a while, waiting for the first one who’ll make a move or speak.

“Ain’t gonna ask me who I am?” He got a funny accent and Niall wasn’t quite expecting that voice would come out from his mouth.

“I – Who are you?” Niall asked, dumbfounded.

“Peeetahhh Pan!” He shouted, drawing out a sword out of nowhere and Niall felt scared for a second, but then he realized the sword was made out of plastic. “I am Peter Pan, nice to meet you. And you are -?”

“Uhm, Niall. I’m Niall.” _Peter Pan_. Was he supposed to address him as Peter Pan? Niall thought of what Nick said about a certain ‘Louis’ who would just pop out of nowhere, he could be Louis, he thought, so he’ll just name him ‘Louis’ for now.

“Niall! Like the river, yeah?” Niall nodded, still having no idea what to say or do in this situation. “Do you want to be part of the Lost Boys?” ‘Louis’ asked, skipping inside the room, as if he was jumping from one stone to another.

“Lost boys?”

“Yep. Lost Boys – we’re lacking a few members. Zaynie doesn’t want to participate in any of my adventures. Liam’s been loyal to me so far and Harry, he’s just a bit shy, but I’m sure he’ll get over it. Well, what do you say, Niall?” He jumped into the other empty bed, stood there with his hands on his waist again. “Do you want to come to Neverland with me?”

“I – uhm, sure. Sure, I will.” Niall stared at ‘Louis’ for a while, watching him jump up and down on the bed, saying the words, ‘I got a new member!’ repeatedly. “I think it’s dangerous for you to do that, you might fall or something.”

Louis stopped jumping and slowly faced him, narrowing his eyes and Niall swallowed thickly, thinking he might’ve just said something he shouldn’t have.

“I’m _Peter Pan_. I could fly, Niall. I can’t fall.” ‘Louis’ went back to smiling at him, and then he was running out of the room, leaving Niall completely dumbstruck. Popping his head out of the door again, Louis asked,“Well, what are you waiting for? It’s time for the ceremony!”

“What ceremony?” Niall left his bed, gingerly following ‘Louis’ outside the hallway.

Louis rolled his eyes. “The ceremony’s for you, silly! You’re the new member of lost boys! Everyone’s waiting, let’s go!” ‘Louis’ exclaimed, grabbing him by his arm and dragging him all the way to the main hall.

—-

Shyness suddenly hit him when he saw three strangers seated on their own spots, and watching the two of them approach a stage that Niall swore wasn’t there a while ago when he. He looked around and saw Nick smiling at him behind the desk whilst sipping his drink.

He made a quick look towards his audience. The one with the black hair wasn’t looking at him, busy scribbling something on his notebook, he shifted to the other one, he wasn’t looking at him either, but to ‘Louis’ instead, Niall guessed this is the ‘Liam’ who’s loyal to his adventures. When he glanced to the last person, there was a sudden flow of electricity running down his spine.

Out of all the guys he looked at, this lad with a curly hair and green eyes caught Niall’s attention the most, not to mention he was outright staring at him, although Niall wasn’t quite sure if he was glaring or staring. He was just about to pull a smile when he suddenly tore his gaze away.

“So, here we have, Niall – our new member, let’s welcome him!” ‘Louis’ clapped his hands, followed by the guy who was staring at Louis with so much care, and then followed by the brooding guy who still didn’t look at him, and then lastly, a lame clap from the curly. He turned to Louis, who gestured him to come over the small platform.

Hesitantly, Niall stepped in and stood beside ‘Louis’. It wasn’t supposed to be some kind of big deal on his side, but Niall had a thing with stages. He’s afraid of people looking at him, watching his every move and one small mistake, people would be laughing at him.

“Well? Aren’t you going to say something?” Louis asked as he jumped down, leaving Niall alone in front.

Niall took a deep breath. “I – I’m… I’m Niall. I’mthenewmemberofLostBoysnicetomeetyouall.” He breathed out and stepped out of the stage immediately and took a seat back, not minding what ‘Louis’ or the members of his Lost Boys would think. He looked over ‘Louis’, who didn’t seem to notice he was gone and was already talking ‘Liam’, the one who never took his eyes away from him.

The other one with the black hair stood up and went on his way towards the room, and Niall heard a faint sound of the door closing.

He was about to go back to his seat when the curly approached his table and sat across him. “I’m Harry.” He said, smiling and Niall was sure, that was one of the most beautiful smile he had ever seen, besides Michael’s smile. “You have stage fright?”

Niall kept in mind that he shouldn’t be staring too much into someone’s eyes for too long, so he averted. “No, just not used to saying something in front.”

“Hm, I see. So, what’s your problem?”

“What problem?”

“The reason why you’re here. What did you do?” Harry asked, his lips twitching in a grin.

“I tried to kill myself.” Niall answered without hesitation. “Seven times.”

“Why?”

“Too many to mention.” Just like the usual answer.

“Tell me all of them,” Harry said, confidence airing out from him, “We’ve got a lot of time.”

“Why do you want to know?”

“To know you better of course, it’s the only way. So I’ll know how I’ll treat you.” He smiled widely, lifting his elbow to the table and resting his chin on the back of his hand.

“Tell me your story, and I’ll tell you mine.”

For the first time on such a long time, Niall felt like someone was there – willing to hear his story and understand him.

Maybe he could start liking this special place.

IV.

Niall narrated everything of what he experienced, even the incident about Michael. He was expecting something like Harry would take the side of his parents, but he didn’t. He even said he would like to meet Michael, even though both of them knew he was somewhere else Niall wouldn’t be able to get to.

Niall didn’t know what it was, but he suddenly felt a connection with Harry. They were on the same case, having suicidal thoughts and attempts, but Niall learned Harry got it worse.

He was fifteen at that time when his mum died in front of him. Harry performed for a school play that time, his mum part of the audience, proudly snapping photos of him. When it was over, the two of them decided to eat on a 24-hour restaurant. It was already quarter to midnight when they left, walking their way home when two guys blocked their way on a dark alley and asked for their money.

It was supposed to end after his mum gave them her purse, but Harry young and wanting to prove something to himself that time, decided he won’t just stand in there and watch his mum get robbed. So he kicked one of the guy’s crotches and tried to grab the purse from him. He could hear his mum’s protest over what he did, but he was too caught up with the adrenaline he pulled his mum away and then he heard a gunshot.

He turned around and saw her mum falling behind him, eyes locked up to his gaze as she whispered his name and completely stumbles to his feet. It was that one simple mistake, and his mum’s life was taken away from him. Harry was never the same again after that. He blamed himself for the death of his mum, and no words of comfort could make him feel better.

Depression followed, he took in drugs, thinking that would make him feel any better, but it didn’t. And then the guilt went in, and the only thing Harry wanted to do was to follow his mum and say sorry and tell her how stupid he was that time. If only he just let it go, maybe she was still with him this time.

“If you were determined to die, how did you end up here?”

“Maybe I wasn’t that determined to die yet. I didn’t feel happy pointing a gun to my head – like something was missing; it didn’t feel as heavenly as it should be. I don’t know what it is, so I ran away from home before I could break my family apart, and confined myself here.”

“So how long you’ve been staying here?” Niall asked.

“Three months. When I came here, Louis and Zayn were already patients here.” Wanting to make sure if the one he thinks Louis is, Niall took the chance to ask. “Louis’s is Peter Pan, but he doesn’t even remember his name anymore. Zayn’s the one who clearly doesn’t give a shit to anything and Liam’s the one who’s taking care of Louis.”

Niall smiled at the back of his head, so ‘Louis’ was Louis and ‘Liam’ was really, Liam, he was pleased to know he was right with his hunches. “Are they related?”

“Louis and Liam? No. I don’t know, but when Liam entered in here, and Louis talked to him they just clicked, _like the two of us_.” Harry grinned and Niall felt an unfamiliar heat crawling into his cheeks. “You’re blushing, that’s a rare thing to see nowadays.” Harry teased, and it didn’t make Niall feel any better as the burn continues to take over his cheeks. “Well, Niall – it’s nice to talk to you. But I have to go to sleep now, if you want, you could sleep on the other bed or we could share the same bed if you want to know more.” He smiled, showing a hint of playfulness from his eyes.

He really didn’t expect him to be a smooth-talker, yet he was blushing. Niall rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

“I’ll be fine. I could wait ‘til tomorrow to know more.” He smiled and for what seemed to be ages ago, Niall never thought talking to someone could make him feel this good. No one ever lasted talking to him for more than a minute except if they’re left with no choice.

Harry nodded fervently before pushing his chair away from the table and stood up. “Have a goodnight sleep, Niall.”

“You too, Harry.” Right after Niall said those words; he couldn’t help but to notice Harry’s sudden change of expression. The glint from his eyes were suddenly gone, he saw how his jaw tightened and how his lips pursed as if he was stopping himself from saying something. He smiled at him, _too forced_ , that even a stranger would know the difference. Before Niall could take it back or ask what’s wrong, Harry was already walking back to his room.

He was just about to stand up when Nick sat on the same seat Harry was. “Harry seems to like you.”

“He doesn’t have anyone to talk to and he’s nice.” Niall said, unaware of the smile that’s been pulling on his face the moment Nick mentioned Harry’s name. So this is the feeling of having a friend besides Michael.

“He really is, but he’s a lonely kid. Lonelier than Zayn.” Why would he be compared to Zayn? And for him to be lonelier to that guy was impossible. Harry was smiling all the way through their conversation. He remembered his expression a while ago, and although he knows it would be trespassing privacy, Niall asked more about Harry but Nick shook his head.

“I don’t think I should be the one telling you that. Get to know him, like the way he did with you and you’ll know –“

“-know what?”

“How special these people are.” Nick finally said, and Niall could hear the sadness from his voice. He could’ve been watching these lads for such a long time and he knew all about their fears, their cases and how they try to deal with all of it. If Nick said was true, then there’s probably more than what he was about to know in this place.

V.

Niall was still asleep when Harry came into his room and slipped into the same sheet he was in. When he woke up, he let out a faint scream, seeing Harry’s large body curled up beside him.

“W-what are you doing here?” Niall asked, his voice wavering from utter shock. “Why are you not in your room?”

Harry shrugged, shifting closer to his side. He didn’t look like he got enough sleep last night, his eyes were puffed and dark circles under his eyes were just too obvious.

“You didn’t sleep well last night?” Niall’s voice was gentler, feeling sorry for shouting at Harry and acting so scared. Harry sat up and rubbed his eyes. When he looked at Niall, he laughed. “Why are you laughing?”

“You look so scared.”

“I am. I could’ve hit you, you know?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Just – just wanted to see your reaction.” He said, smiling but a part of Niall knew it was somehow forced. He moved into the corner of his bed and stretched. “So, you want to continue on where we left off last night?”

Niall wanted to say ‘no’ and just let Harry sleep for a while. He looked so tired and his voice sounded so dry. But even before he could offer his bed, (not that he was going to sleep next to him), Harry was at the door, right foot tapping, waiting for Niall to get up and know more about Louis, Liam, Zayn and of course, to know more about Harry.

They walked past the main hall; Louis and Liam were already eating their breakfast. Harry approached the table and signaled Niall to follow him. When they were all seated, Louis started narrating his adventures last night.

“Good thing you’re here, Niall, Harry. I was just narrating to Liam about my adventure last night.” He said, swinging his fork as he did. “I saw my shadow last night in the art room, he was trying to imitate my drawings, and he looked so frustrated. So I took that chance to tiptoe behind him and lunge! But he got away easily, maybe if I should’ve flied rather than jumped, what do you think, Li-Li?” Louis turned to Liam and he nodded the second he asked him.

Niall ate his breakfast silently, listening to more of Louis’s adventure in his bathroom and fighting Captain Hook during midnight. Harry was smiling as Louis continued, and Liam, like he always did, was staring intently at Louis, too engaged into his story to care about the other people around him.

When he put down his fork, Harry immediately stood up and pulled Niall by the wrist, dragging him away from the table. “We’re going to the library.”

Liam just nodded while Louis continued to narrate his adventure as if he didn’t just lose his audience. Niall wondered if he even knew him and Harry just sat across him and actually listened to his story.

When they entered the library, Harry walked to one of the shelves and took a worn out Peter Pan book. Niall took a book entitled, ‘Bitter Milk’ and sat across Harry.

“Louis thinks he’s Peter Pan.” Harry started, opening up to the first page: a faded illustration of Peter Pan with his hands on his waist just like the way Niall saw Louis the first time. “It’s not because he wanted to be Peter Pan, but it was the idea of not growing old that made him like Peter Pan a lot, you get me?” Niall nodded. “Just tell me if you didn’t understand anything, I’ll stop.” And Niall nodded again so Harry continued.

“He was this mischievous kid, playing pranks with everyone, living his life to the fullest. He was on the peak of his teenage years, figuring out how to have a girlfriend, how to get laid and finish school, normal shit. But then there was this fear haunting him each year.

“He was the only one who didn’t like the idea of having birthdays. It started with the simple thought inside his brain that each birthday, he’s growing old, and when he gets old, there would be less things he’d be able to do. And that went on each year, until the fear grew inside his brain, and Louis was becoming more and more aware of it.

“Then he suddenly showed a keen interest towards Peter Pan. He liked the boy, no – he wanted to be the boy. He could fly, he could go anywhere, and most of all – he never gets old. His parents thought Louis was a late bloomer when it comes to being attracted with fairytales, so they ignored it. What they never saw coming was each day, Louis himself was leaving his own body, and was replaced by Peter Pan’s whole identity.”

Harry looked at him again, reassuring that he was getting the story right. Niall couldn’t bring himself to nod, not because he didn’t understand any of it – he did. It was clear to him. It was just that he never imagined a guy could lose himself because of the fear of aging.

“It was too late when they noticed it. Louis was Louis no more. He was Peter Pan. His home was Neverland, he got friends and he calls them the Lost Boys, he fights Captain Hook, he was being guided by Tinkerbell – everything, right out of the fairytale. And they were left with no choice but to bring him here. He was the youngest patient at that time, with one of the most severe and rare case.

“No doctor or specialist could take him away from his imagination. Some of them even went for the extreme,” Harry paused, catching himself to smile for a while and then he shook his head, “some of them dressed up as Tinkerbell, Captain Hook, pretended that he should go back and forget about Neverland. But Louis never came back.

“When everything failed, Louis was stuck in here. He forgot his family and friends, and they did as well. None of them visited him anymore, those people that smiled and laughed because of Louis, none of them tried doing anything anymore.”

They were quiet for a while, Harry reaching the end of the book where Peter goes back to Neverland. Niall never thought someone could experience all of it at such a young age. Louis was good-looking, he’s charismatic and he was obviously fun to be with. It was such a waste – all because a man feared that he’d start losing the things he loves when he gets old.

But what made Niall felt sorry for Louis even more was the fact that none of his relatives ever tried on bringing him back again. He clenched his fist, recalling the day his parents confined him in here. They only tried to ask him ‘what’s wrong’ when he was just about to jump off the bridge. All those times where he tried to kill himself, none of them bothered to sit on the corner of his bed and ask him if everything’s alright.

What if it was also too late? What if he jumped off and there was nothing left to them to do anymore? Maybe they’d be like Louis’s family, they’d forget him – they would abandon him. Niall bit the inside of his cheeks, stopping himself from crying. He never realized he was this alone and lonely – and all those times, his family were thinking everything’s good even if it wasn’t.

“Niall?” Harry’s voice pulled him back to where he was, and he could feel the wetness running down to his cheeks. “I’m sorry – did I say something –“

“No – no. It’s fine, I’m fine. I – just…” And then he breaks into a soft cry. Harry moved beside him and wrapped his arms around him, pulling his head down to his shoulder. He doesn’t know why he was crying. Was he feeling sorry for Louis and his family or the thought of him being forgotten? All these times, he was facing his own problem like Louis did.

“I don’t want to be alone anymore, Harry.” He mumbled on his shoulders. Harry moved his head so his lips were pressed on Niall’s temple.

“Nobody wants to, Niall.” Harry whispered, and in between his sobs, Harry repeated the same words, “Nobody wants to be alone.”

VI.

“How are you, Niall?” Dr. Oliver asked him the moment he took a seat across her desk. This was part of their ‘healing process’, Niall assumed. The doctor would ask him how he’s doing and will give him advice and will see if there’s something wrong with him. But to be honest, Niall hated doctors, ever since they took Michael away from him.

“M’fine,” Niall looked away from her eyes glancing upwards while she take down notes and spoke to him. Niall didn’t see anything inside the room except for one shelf full of books and files, the table that divides them and a digital clock that says, 3:45 PM.

It has been four days since he entered this ward, and Niall realized he hasn’t seen any natural light so far. He noted that he’ll ask Harry to bring him there later.

“Do you want to talk about something?”

There was nothing left to talk about, Niall thought. “I feel happy here,” is what he said instead.

The doctor looked quite shocked. She fixed her eyeglasses and sat up straight. “What do you mean you’re ‘happy’ in here?”

“Happy. Do I need to explain more of that? I’m happy here. I have friends.” He may be using a big word for this, considering the only friend he had was Harry. But still, Liam and Louis talks to him, and so he could count that and Zayn, well – he never hurt him or did anything to him so he might as well consider their friendship, mutual.

Dr. Oliver doesn’t seem to understand what he’s trying to say – or like his parents, they didn’t want to. “Niall, you do know these kids you’re surrounded with, you can’t make bonds with them and consider them as your ‘friends’. You don’t want to get influenced by their behavior.” She explained.

“I’m not being influenced by anything. I like it here because they understand my situation, they don’t judge me, and they don’t assume things.” Niall kept himself from sounding so pissed off, but seeing the way Dr. Oliver shakes her head was just unbearable.

“You can’t start building your life in here, Niall. It’s not good for you.”

“Where do you want me to start? Outside? Where people don’t even want me to live?” His voice was staring to rise.

“You have to try –“

“Well _fuck it_ – I’m tired of trying. I’ve been trying all this time, and nobody cared – not even my family, not even the lot of you who took my friend away from me.” Niall snapped, standing up and  slamming the door behind him not wanting to hear any more of her voice.

“Didn’t turn out good, eh?” Niall turned around to see Harry, leaning against the wall and twirling a lollipop on his mouth. “You don’t look good with your face scrunched like that.”

Niall lighted up immediately, crooking up a smile as he stepped closer to Harry. “I never liked doctors.”

Harry smirked, “So do I.”

—-

They were on their way to the main hall, when Niall noticed that Liam and Louis were out of his sight. “Where are Liam and Louis?”

“Rooftop,” Harry glanced upwards, “They go in there sometimes, maybe Louis’s up for another adventure or they’re sucking each other off.”

“T-They do that?” Niall paused in the middle of the hall, imagining Liam and Louis doing it in such an open sky.

“Why do you look so shocked? I told you, those two goes on adventures. They get tired sometimes, and probably, horny.” Harry laughed, pulling him by his shoulders. “You looked really surprised, are you against gays or something?”

Niall knew he was blushing again, seeing that smirk on Harry’s face. “N-no. I was – I didn’t know it’s allowed in here.”

“Nick’s a nice man. He let us do what we want as long as we don’t try killing ourselves. He’s got a soft spot for us, y’know.”

Niall nodded, trying not to look bothered by what he just learned.

“Last time you cried, I was afraid you didn’t want to know about their stories anymore, are you still up for it?” Harry asked, both of them taking a seat in the main hall.

“Yeah, sure. I want to know Liam’s story.”

—-

“Liam was a great runner, a fast one. When he was still in school, he could outrun his seniors and those who have longer legs than he is. Everyone started to notice his potential for being more than just a typical runner, but it was never Liam’s intention to be noticed. He just loved running, and that was it. He loved the feeling of seeing these blurred images as he sprints and he feels free.

“He never thought that one thing he does that makes him feel free, was also the same thing that would get it away from him.

“His dad was the one who noticed his potential the most, and he decided he’ll train him so he could join the Olympics. For such a young age, Liam never thought they would be aiming this high. Before everything happened, he was just a teenager wanting to know more about himself, overcome his shyness and ask the girl he liked out for a date.

“But all of it was wiped out in a second his dad finalize his decision. He wasn’t allowed to go out and stay up late; he wasn’t allowed to join any extracurricular activities, believing it could distract his training, hell, he wasn’t even allowed to watch late night shows on TV!

“So, going back, the days went on and the training became harder and Liam wasn’t able to take the pressure from it, he felt like he was carrying everything on his back all at once: his family’s name and pride, his dad’s expectation and everyone else from his hometown.

“It all became too much, like he was an empty glass and people kept pouring water inside him and it overflows and Liam couldn’t take any of it anymore.

“When he woke up, Liam never spoke to his family or friends ever again. His dad asked him what’s wrong, but it was like none of them existed inside the house. He continued with his daily routine, he still jogs like before, but it was back to running just for the sake of it. He forgot about the Olympics, he forgot about the responsibility – he just kind of, dropped it all of one night.

“He wanted to be free again, and for some reasons, when he entered in here, Liam found it on Louis. You could say it’s kind of a messy relationship, both of you out of your own sanity, but as I’ve said, they just clicked. They know what the other one wants, and they were content with that.”

Niall watched as Harry took out his lollipop only to see the stick. “You love narrating stories, a lot.”

“Guess you could say that. I love talking, I love the feeling – is it, you know, reasonable?”

Niall nodded, smiling. “Of course it’s reasonable. If Liam loves running, Louis loves adventures, and then you got a thing with talking.”

They were just there, smiling at each other when Niall saw out of the corner of his eyes Louis and Liam approaching the main hall.

“You two had a good time?” Harry asked, feigning innocence. Niall tried his best not to laugh.

“You two should’ve come with us, we fought some villains up there.” Louis boasted, acting up some of his sword skills and swinging his arms in every direction. “Where’s Zaynie?”

“On his room, again.” Harry replied. He stood up, stretched and signaled Niall to follow him. “We’ll go check if there are more villains up there, you could’ve missed some.”

“Now that’s my Lost Boys!” Louis said, grinning. He took Liam’s hand and Niall watched as Liam’s expression just lighted up like a million watts of bulb as their skins touched. Harry was right – they just clicked. “Come on, Li-Li! It’s time to make Zaynie jealous of what we have conquered today!”

Niall watched as the two of them went inside Zayn’s room. He still got one story to know, and maybe, he could finally know more about Harry.

—-

Harry opened the rooftop’s door, and Niall felt he was some kind of caveman coming out of his den for the first time. The rooftop was just the same size as his room, and it was barricaded with a fence towering about 7 feet high.

It was already sunset, and it was Niall’s first time to actually see it set on such a beautiful view – even if it’s just building tops surrounding them. He closed his eyes for a while, letting that gentle breeze of the wind wrap around his body.

He noticed Harry’s sudden silence when they got up and when he opened his eyes and turned to him, he caught him looking straight towards his direction. His heart beat furiously, enough to make him avert his contact.

“Uhm, Harry?”

Harry promptly cocked his head to his direction.

“Do you ever feel like, you know, you want to get out of here?” Niall asked.

Harry stayed quiet for some time and then he leaned against the wall, facing Niall.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to go back in there. My sister doesn’t live in here anymore and I don’t know where my dad is. We’ve been a broken family after what happened, and I don’t even know if there’s someone out there who is still ready to accept me after what I’ve gone through.”

“But – you don’t want to start again? Do you really want to be stuck in here, forever? I’m sure there’s someone outside waiting for you to come back, willing to take care of you?”

Harry smirked, and then his face dropped the way it did before. Niall was sure that Harry’s been hiding him something, but what is it? What was the reason he was so sure there’s no life outside? Compared to the rest of them, Harry seemed to be the closest to being normal.

“Haven’t you done the same thing too, Niall? You’ve tried to find those people who’d understand you, but what happened? They failed you, they didn’t try and nobody did.” Niall heard the anger on his voice, that sound that he was trying to stop himself from saying something drastic. “After that, I’m very sure nobody’s out there willing to take care of me. I’m better off here.”

Niall opened his mouth to say something, but Harry interrupted him.

“This is a special place, Niall. I don’t think I could live outside this world anymore.” Harry forced a smile and then stepped out of the door without waiting for Niall.

Somehow, listening to Harry say that he doesn’t want to leave this place anymore, there was a throbbing pain inside his chest – a feeling of disappointment knowing that if there was one person Niall’s willing to be with outside this place, it would definitely be Harry.

If only he knows what’s wrong.

VII.

It was time for them to attend the Art class lead by an energetic guy who introduced himself as Hero. Nobody asked or probably nobody cared if he was trying to make a joke out of his name, but Niall kept it inside. The five of them were circled on a table: Harry sat beside Niall, Liam and Louis was huddled together beside Harry and to his luck, Zayn was just an arm-length away from him.

Niall expected some kind of activity they’ll be working on, but the moment Hero put different coloring materials in the middle of the table, he sat in front and put in his headset.

“Aren’t we going to draw a particular thing?” Niall asked Harry, who was already smiling from the flower he’s seriously drawing using his newly-given set of watercolors.

“Just draw anything.”

So Niall did. He drew his last memory of his summer with his family back when he was a kid. He was on a boat with his older brother, and both of them were rowing. He drew his mum holding a camera and his dad laughing. It was the last vivid memory he had of a happy family.

“That’s nice,” Harry said, although Niall wasn’t very sure he was teasing or really complimenting him. Actually, Niall his artwork looked like shit. He realized watercolour should be dried first before you add another layer, so what seems to be a boat ride with the family for him, looked like a bunch of people drowning in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

He glanced over Liam’s work and it wasn’t that good either, Niall wasn’t sure if he’s drawing a horse or a cowboy, but he assumed it was something between those two. Niall could hardly understand what was Louis trying to draw from his colored pencils, but he just knew it has something to do with Peter Pan since the majority of the paper was colored green.

When it was about time to look at Zayn’s paper, expecting another abstract work, Niall’s jaw dropped. He was drawing something anyone would understand – it was superhero, never seen it before, but Niall was sure the stance, the body and the cloak was enough to say he really was drawing a superhero.

“Zayn, your drawing’s really good all the time.” Harry said as he poked Niall’s cheek, whispering that he was almost close to drooling. “You got a fan in here.”

Zayn took a quick look towards Niall and went back to drawing without saying a word.

When the session was over, Hero pretended he liked the drawings, said something like ‘you got talent’, ‘you just need more inspirations’ and a lot of ‘that’s really amazing/artistic/original, Zayn’. And then he left.

Liam and Louis scrambled and went outside the room quickly, when Harry asked if he was coming, Niall said he wanted to stay for a while. It really wasn’t a lie, but Niall was thinking this could be the chance he could get to know Zayn, without asking Harry.

He shifted his body, facing Zayn entirely. “Hi.”

He didn’t reply.

“I’m Niall.”

Still, Zayn continued on perfecting his work.

“Your drawing’s really good.”

Finally, Zayn stopped and dropped his pencil. “What do you want?”

Niall jumped a little. “I – I want to get to know you.”

“Why?”

“So we could be friends. You’re the only one I haven’t spoken to yet.”

Zayn slightly shook his head. “Did you come here to make friends?”

“What? No. I mean, I just want to talk to you.”

“Well, I don’t want to.” He started to shuffle his papers and put back the pencils to the box.

“Okay, I want to know what your case is.” Niall grumbled and Zayn stopped from arranging the pencils.

“Why? So you would know a lot more about me? Is that what Harry said to you?”

Niall didn’t see any reason to lie, so he nodded. “And what would you do if you know what I did to end up here?”

Niall averted his gaze and thought of a reasonable reply but before he could, Zayn continued. “What are you going to do? Are you going to help me get cured or get out of here?” Zayn asked, sounding so irritated.

“Well, I just wanted to understand your situation.”

“For what reason?” Zayn was worse than any other detective he watched, Niall thought. Why can’t he just say what’s wrong with him so the whole conversation is over?

“I don’t know. I’m like you, you know. I think it’s just-“

“We’re not the same.” Zayn cut him off. “Not because we’re in the same place makes you the same as anyone who’s here. This is not a fucking club.”

Niall felt like Zayn hated him for no particular reason. “I know that. It’s just that –“

“Listen, you haven’t heard the real story yet, so don’t act like you know a lot already. You’ve just heard a small side of each person’s story and you think you’re like them already? This is a psychiatric ward, Niall. There are a lot of things you still don’t know, and maybe, you never will.”

It sounded like a warning, and Niall’s curiosity just grew bigger. Zayn sounded a lot like Harry, like he was normal and he there was nothing wrong with him. And as Zayn walked out of the room, Niall was convinced to know what’s really wrong with everyone in here. Regardless of what Harry had already told him.

—-

Niall left his door slightly opened that night, so he could see if Nick turned off all the lights. He was almost about to sleep when he saw the light outside his door went out.

He carefully went out of bed, and peeked outside of his door. There was a faint light coming from the desk, and Niall could see Nick’s figure moving. He looked around for a while and then went to the exit. That was when Niall finally stepped out of his room and ran towards the desk where all their files were kept. He glanced over the door again; making sure Nick was out of sight before he starts browsing the files.

He saw the cork board where their bio-data were put into. He saw every medicine they were supposed to drink and their schedules. Niall looked over the desk and saw a set of keys, luckily, all keys were placed with a tag.

‘Main door’, ‘Rooftop’, ‘Harry’, ‘Zayn’, ‘Louis’, ‘Liam’, ‘Niall’, ‘Medicines’ and then, ‘Drawer1’.

He took the one with the ‘Drawer 1’, inserting it to the only drawer he could see in the desk. He went back to glancing every now and then at the door, making sure the coast was clear. He doesn’t want Nick’s trust to him to be broken, but Niall just wanted to know what’s more than to Harry’s narration, including the story he told Niall about himself.

He pulled the first folder, ‘Liam Payne’. He skimmed over the details next to his prescriptions and read some: ‘Assaulted by his father’, ‘Broke his ankle on one training, and his father didn’t stop him from running’, ‘Liam wasn’t able to join the team because he failed from the medical exam’…

Niall gulped and held the folder tightly. Liam wasn’t just pressured from all the expectations, he was also forced to do things he doesn’t want to anymore. Niall blinked twice, pulling himself back to reality that there’s still three lads he have to know.

He pulled the ‘Louis Tomlinson’ folder next, and Niall wasn’t able to hold back his tears when he read the number of descriptions that was in his file: ‘Came out as gay when he was 14’, ‘was the subject of bullying into his school: including sexually harassing him’ ‘he was forced to drop out of school’ ‘dad left his family’ ‘his mother doesn’t speak of him that time’ ‘was forced to leave his house while he studied in college’ ‘his grandmother died; the one who might’ve triggered Louis’s belief of getting old’ … And there was more of it. Niall realized he only knew a quarter of Louis’s real story and this – this Peter Pan thing he was doing, was his escape to all of his miseries.

Niall broke down into silent sobs, unable to keep the sympathy he felt for the oldest one in the group. Zayn was right, he thought he understands them enough, but he doesn’t even know what they really went through before coming in here.

He looked for any sign of Nick coming back and when no figured showed up, he wiped the tears away from his cheeks and went on to the next folder: ‘Zayn Malik’

He flipped the pages and saw only a short list: ‘Survived a car accident which killed four of his friends and his two sisters with the –‘

“What are you doing?” Niall dropped the folder and turned around, seeing Zayn standing in the middle of the hall.

Niall quickly shuffled the papers and put it inside the drawer, locking it immediately before he wiped the trickle of sweat on his forehead. “I was, I was just-“

“Getting to know all of us?” Niall gulped, he was caught. “Does it make you feel any better now?”

No. Actually, Niall wished he hadn’t read all of it. But still, he wasn’t able to see what Harry’s real case was. “Do you know – Do you know what’s really wrong with Harry?”

Zayn looked a bit shock, but changed his expression quickly. “Why do you want to know?”

“Because he’s my friend and I want to know what’s wrong with him so I can help him!”

“If I tell you what’s wrong with him, will you stay here?”

“What do you mean?” Niall asked, confusion clouding inside him. “Why should I stay here?”

“That person lost someone in front of him, and it happened when he was just 10 years old. Could you imagine that, Niall? Seeing your mum die in front you because you thought you could save her and instead you were the reason why she died?”

“No – wait, Harry told me he was 15 at that time!”

“Then why don’t you look at his folder to see the truth? And make sure that if you do, you won’t show that face of yours that you were goddamn sorry or you feel his pain – because if you do, I’ll kill you first before Harry kills himself.”

IX.

“You want to make a stage play?” Harry asked before he took a big bite from his sandwich.

“I want to fulfill Louis’s dream of getting to Neverland. It’d be awesome.” Niall said, twirling the spoon in between his fingers.

“Why did you suddenly came up with this idea?”

“I just thought he deserved it, after all that he’s been through, that’s all.” Niall glanced to Louis, who was narrating his adventures last night to Zayn and Liam. “And I always wanted to perform in stage!”

Harry laughed. “Really? I thought you’re not used to talking in front of the stage?”

Niall playfully hit him with his elbow. “That was before, now, I feel more confident. So, are you going to help me or not?”

“Count me in.”

—-

Harry announced Niall’s plan later that afternoon, except for Louis. Niall wanted Louis to believe it really was Neverland and not some kind of stage play, so while they were working for the props, Niall asked Louis to memorize the lines on the Peter Pan book, in which Louis gladly obliged.

Niall was able to convince Zayn to draw their costumes for him. Nick wanted to join in so he was assigned to be Captain Hook, and he could get a couple of nurses to be other pirates. He even told them that he’d be paying for the expense of this stage play, knowing that Louis would be very happy afterwards.

Niall, Harry and Zayn were stuck on being the lost boys, while Liam had no choice to be Tinkerbell, but Niall promised that he won’t be wearing frilly dresses, something like a manly version of the fairy. Niall gave Liam a role where he’ll be running around the whole floor with something on his back that would light the whole place.

For the next days, they were busy sewing costumes, hiding everything from Louis and building the props out of cartons (and nurses surrounding them in all places to make sure no one suddenly cut their wrists using the cutters and scissors provided for them).

Niall would watch Louis as he practices his lines, and Niall always thought Louis could’ve made it as a great actor. He’s good with pronouncing the words, describing with his hands and expressing with his face.

“Niall, do you think it’d be better if I stand like this,” He did the hands-on-his-waist pose again, “if I face Captain Hook, or like this,” with his arms crossed, showing a bit smug on his face.

Niall smiled as he remembered the first time he saw Louis, in front of his bed.

“Of course, Peter Pan would always be a hands-on-his-waist kind of guy.” And Louis smiled as if he already knew that would be the answer.

—-

Liam was taking the task seriously. He said he wanted to make sure his run wouldn’t be too fast, nor too slow, so that the place would dramatically be lighted up. Niall and Harry stayed up all night watching Liam runs past them for a couple of times to make sure he did it right.

Niall would eventually fall asleep on Harry’s shoulders, but when he wakes up, Liam would be smiling and he’d say, ‘I’m ready’.

—-

Niall felt the change of treatment from Zayn ever since they worked on this project. He was more open to talk the details of a certain object and he was entertaining Louis’s narration of his last night’s adventures while he was rehearsing.

It was just a couple of weeks, and the five of them became closer. Louis would be surrounded by four guys as he re-enacts the whole scene with his shadow chasing, and all of them would ask ‘what happened next’ or ‘do you think he’s hiding under your bed’ and Louis would answer, ‘I always check under my bed before I go to sleep, Harry’ and then they’d end up laughing.

—-

One night, when Niall wasn’t able to sleep and decided to go for a glass of water, he saw Harry busying himself with one of the props.

Harry was the first one who acknowledged him, “You’re still awake?”

“Can’t sleep,” and then Harry tapped the floor beside him.

“Same.” He said, looking at him and then wrapping one of his arms around Niall to bring him closer to his shoulder.

They were like that for a while, staring into the set that’s almost coming to a place.

“You know, none of us think this could happen, I mean, Neverland? I thought it’d be just part of Louis’s dream forever. But you made it come true.”

“It’s my way of thanking you guys.”

Niall felt Harry’s lips on his forehead, “You’re the one we should say ‘thank you’ with. All of this wouldn’t happen if it wasn’t because of you. We’re lucky you’re here,” Harry paused, “I’m lucky to have met you.”

Niall slightly pulled away from Harry’s shoulder and stared blankly into his lips, then their eyes locked up and the time just stopped. Harry leaned in and brushed his lips against Niall’s, a buzzing feeling travelling across his whole body. He never kissed someone, let alone a guy, but Niall thought it was just beyond perfect.

Harry tilted his head, “Your room?” And without second thought, Niall pulled Harry from sitting and both of them crashed into the bed, lips locking in once again. Niall was underneath Harry, and he was kissing deeper and deeper, his tongue swiping in between his lips, moaning on each other’s mouth.

“You’re so good at this, is this your first time?” Harry asked, taking off his and stripping Niall’s shirt next. Niall nodded, still flushed from the feeling. “You’re so cute when you’re blushing.” Harry smiled, leaning in again, his lips finding its way to his jaw, down to his neck, sucking in that pale skin and leaving Niall’s hips bucking up to brush on Harry’s groin.

Harry bit hard on his collarbone as their hard cocks grind against the thin fabric of their matching pants. Niall’s hands raked over Harry’s back, pulling him closer as their bodies exchange heat. Niall could hear his own heavy breathing as Harry worked his way on his nipples, licking and playing with them with his tongue and fingers. He never felt aroused before, and he never thought being aroused could be this damn good.

One hand slid to the end of Niall’s pants, pulling it down. Niall softly moaned by the gush air that enveloped his hard erection. Harry looked down and licked his lips. Harry stood on his knees and Niall helped him pull down his pants. Niall gulped, staring at Harry’s fully-erect cock. Harry pushed him back to bed, slowly pressing his chest to Niall’s. Groaning, Niall gripped Harry’s hips tightly.

“This would hurt a little bit since it’s your first time, but I’ll be gentle, okay?” Harry whispered, leaning in to give him another kiss. Niall replied with a shaky, ‘Yes’ – he wasn’t in any way afraid of what may happen, this was Harry – the person who first actually showed he cared and he loved him. He trusted him.

Harry pressed two of his fingers on Niall’s lips and Niall opened his mouth to slick his fingers.

“God, that’s so hot,” Harry breathed out. His other hand pushed Niall’s legs close to his chest, and suddenly, he was rubbing circles on Niall’s rim. “Feels good?”

“Mmmhhmm…” Niall bit his lips and his eyes fluttering from the overwhelming feeling running inside him. Harry’s finger slipped in, and Niall’s mouth opened completely, moaning as Harry started to insert another finger and slowly curling them in. “So good, so good, Harry…”

Harry took it as a signal to keep going so he slips in another one, the burning feeling of being stretched made Niall’s cock leak, smearing it on his abdomen. Harry pushed in and slowly pulled out, deliberately scraping the insides of Niall, almost driving him closer and closer to edge.

“I’m ready,” Niall said, lips quivering.

“You sure?” Harry asked, and Niall never heard such a gentle voice like before. He smiled again, and brushed his fingers on Harry’s cheeks.

“Come on,” Niall pulled himself up a bit and kissed him, “I trust you, Harry.”

“Me too. I’ve never been with someone who made me feel like this,” Harry lined him up, his knees hitting his chest, “Don’t leave me,”

“I won’t,” If it was too fast for a big question, Niall didn’t care. “I won’t leave you, Harry.” And Niall saw a tear sliding down from Harry’s cheeks. They’ve been through a lot – Harry’s been through something he still doesn’t know, and Niall was ready to take care of him. He was ready to take the responsibility of taking care of Harry.

Both of them let out a groan as Harry pushed in slowly. Niall clenched on Harry’s back, their foreheads bumping when Harry pulled out, deliberately increasing his pace. They started out slow pace, Niall still getting used to that painful yet good feeling each time Harry thrust back in. Niall could see Harry’s struggle not to push in faster, controlling himself to make sure Niall’s alright with it.

“Harry – faster, please,” Niall arched his back, barely changing their angle and Harry let out a loud groan. He held Niall’s hips tight, and then he was thrusting, faster and harder, snapping his hips back and forth, the slick sound of their sweat and moans echoing inside the room. “Oh – yeah, fuck, so good-“Niall voiced it all out, hearing the dangerous creaking of their bed and Harry’s loud grunts on each drive he hits Niall’s prostate.

There was this swirling feeling on his stomach, and before he could warn Harry, he was coming hard on his stomach, biting in his bottom lip as he did. Harry continued to move, his thrust becoming short and choppy until he came hard inside of him.

Harry lied next to him, stretching out his arm so Niall could rest his head and curl up closer to him.

“That was great.” Harry said leaning in to give him a sloppy kiss. “That was really, great.”

“So the Lost Boys had their own adventure?” Niall chuckled and Harry followed immediately.

“Yes, yes. Our very own adventure.” And when Niall felt the soft, lingering feeling of Harry’s fingers in his hair, he fell asleep, not knowing if Harry did the same.

X.

“We’ve decided you’re ready to go out, Niall.”

“W-what?”

“You heard me, you’re leaving. We were observing you and you did a great job with the play last night. You’re ready to go out again.”

No. Not now. Not when everything’s falling to place. Not when he finally found someone who loved him and will love him back. “No – I’m not leaving! I like it here! I don’t belong outside!”

“Niall Horan. You’re being influenced by their behavior, that’s why you think you belong in here. I told you, you can’t build your life in here.”

“You don’t understand, those people here made me feel like I belong!”

“You have a life, Niall. If you stay here, your sanity will leave you as well – do you want that to happen?”

Niall opened his mouth to protest, but Dr. Oliver didn’t let him. “Are you going to waste your life in here, thinking this is the place for you? You have a family out there waiting for you. Your life’s not over yet.”

“I don’t want to! I’m not leaving Harry!” Niall blurted out.

“ _Harry?_ Harry Styles? Don’t tell me you’ve made a special connection with that man? Niall – leave him alone.” Dr. Oliver spat the words as if she said something really disgusting.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“Have you seen his room, Niall? Have you seen him fall asleep? Have you seen him close his eyes? You haven’t, have you? It’s because he can’t. He doesn’t want to sleep, because that guy has a vivid memory more than anyone else I know. Every night, the death of his mum haunts him, and won’t allow him to sleep. He’ll scratch his wall; he’ll talk to ‘her’ every night, apologizing for what he had done. Every single night. He never loses the count.

“And you’re saying you can’t leave him? Can you, someone who’s still in the right mind, take care of someone as lost as Harry? You’re literally wasting your life here, Niall. And I won’t let that happen, you’re a special kid, but not like them. You can move on. Forget all about this. You’ll be out of here tomorrow morning; your mum would come in here, say your goodbyes.”

Niall felt like someone was holding his throat; he wanted to tell her a lot of things, but he felt dizzy, his mouth dry. He walked out of the office, and his heart dropped when he saw Harry standing in front of him.

“You’re leaving…”

“Harry – “

“I tried to keep it away from you, so you won’t run away. So you won’t know how fucked up my mind is – but now, now that you know, you’re leaving…”

“Harry, I’m not leaving you…”

“No, that person is right, Niall. You should leave. You shouldn’t waste your time in here with someone like me. You’re still normal, I’m not. You already made Louis, Liam, and Zayn happy. So do I, I felt loved, and that’s enough. You should leave.” Niall couldn’t look away from the way Harry stared right back at him. He knew he was saying the opposite of what he wanted to say. He knew Harry would want him to stay – never to leave each other’s side anymore, just like what they promised that night. He’d never leave him.

“I love-“

“Please…Don’t.” Harry smiled, shaking his head. “I’m a messed up kid, you’re not. You could still make it outside, live, be happy. Find someone else.” Before Niall could convince him to at least listen to what he’ll say, Harry turned around and walked to his room, shutting it and the sound broke his heart – the sound that Harry won’t be opening that door ever again.

—-

Niall packed his bags that afternoon, the feeling of leaving this place, of leaving Harry almost killing him. He felt special in here; he didn’t feel like he was somebody else. Even if they have worse cases than he had, they didn’t treat him differently.

“Niall?” He wiped the tears in the corner of his eyes. He turned around and saw Louis at his door. “Liam said you’re leaving.”

Niall felt like he wanted to explain, but he couldn’t find the strength to, so he ended up nodding.

“Aren’t you happy with being a part of the Lost Boys anymore?” He sat on the corner of his bed, fiddling with the lose thread of his Peter Pan costume he wore last night. “I was really happy you came here. We finally came to Neverland.”

Niall kept himself from crying, “Y-yeah? I’m glad to know you’re happy, Lo- Peter.” Louis smiled, hearing his name, made him look like he was blown with a magical spell. “I’m so happy I met you.”

“Yeah, me too.” And Louis just nudged him with his elbow, no hugging, no fist bumps – it was just a simple nudge, and Niall felt like it was the most beautiful goodbye. “Liam’s going to miss you. And Zayn.”

“Yeah, Liam and Zayn.” And then Niall watched Louis, skipping out of his room. “I’m going to miss all of you.”

—-

Niall went to the rooftop that night. He felt like he was standing on the bridge again, but this time, he was going to jump – jump back to the reality of his life. He’ll go back to his family – a family who didn’t even bother visiting him, just once and ask him if he’s alright. He’ll go back to his school life – he could imagine their faces, disappointed that he was still alive and that he’s back in the school grounds, pestering everyone without actually doing something.

And then he’ll think all of it again – it would be a goddamn cycle – of trying, of living, of dying. He’ll remember Michael again, and he was tired of that. This place – this was a special place, something that he came into because he was meant to do something. He made Louis go to Neverland, he made Liam run for something, he made Zayn smile again.

And Harry, just the thought of him brought a pain in his chest. Harry – the only person who showered him with everything he felt like he would never receive. For the first time, everything seemed to fall into place. And he doesn’t care if Harry is some kind of psychotic teenager or whatever his case is– he loved him.

And he’d keep his promise, no matter what.

—-

Niall ran to Harry’s room and knocked as many times as he could – _of course_ , Harry’s not sleeping, that was one thing he was sure about.

“Harry, please, open the door…” Niall called out. He heard steps inside.

“What do you want?” Harry asked on the other side. Niall knew he was crying. “Leave me alone.”

“Just open the door, and listen to me, please, Harry.” Niall rested his head on the door, his one hand holding to that small object that would end everything, both to his and Harry’s problems. “Please?”

When Harry opened the door, he was immediately pulled inside and was back to Harry’s arms again. He was shaking and he was hugging him tightly, his hands all over him. Niall saw the insides of his room, full of scratches, big words of ‘SORRY’ and ‘I MISS YOU’ and black streaks all over the white wall. Niall thought he was like in other place.

“I don’t want you to leave,” Harry sniffed, his hair brushing on Niall’s neck as he buries his lips on his shoulder. “I don’t want you to go, please, don’t go.”

“I know, I know…” Niall locked his fingers on his locks. “I’m not leaving.”

“But you are –“

“No, I’m not.,” Niall whispered, his voice suddenly trembling. “We both are.”

Harry stepped back, “What do you mean?”

Niall showed the small piece of object he’s been carefully holding on his hands.

“Niall…”

“You could finally sleep, Harry. Without thinking what you’d dream of, ‘cause I’ll be there with you.” Niall’s lips quivered, but Harry held his hand, and took the blade away from him. “I’ll be there with you, and you’ll be with me…”

“And we don’t have to live in this fucked world anymore…” Harry reached over the door and clicked it lock. He held Niall’s hand as he guided him to his bathroom. “And you’ll be able to see Michael, and you’ll introduce him to me?”

Niall smiled, tears falling again, “Yes – Michael… And you’re mum, I’ll finally meet her…”

Harry switched the light open, and Harry was the first one to sit on the wet floor. Harry spread out his legs and Niall sat between them, leaning on Harry’s chest.

“She’ll like you very much….”

“I bet she will-“ And then Harry’s lips pressed on Niall’s. They whispered their exchange of ‘I love You’, their goodbyes, their promises that they’d see one another on the other side. They kissed again as Harry lifted Niall’s wrist in the air, Niall’s fingers trembled as he held that thing that would end all of this.

Niall cuts his wrist, deep into his skin, and Harry hugs him tightly, the pain was unbearable, he was screaming, struggling and Harry gripped the cut tightly, stopping it from bleeding as of the moment.

“My turn…” Niall could feel the smile on Harry’s lips, on his ears, and he watched as he did the same thing on his wrist, Harry bit his lip – and dropped the blade. Niall was the one who held his wrist. And they nodded. They said ‘it’d be okay’.

“It hurts, Harry….It hurts”

“Shh, it’d be over soon, Niall.” And they both let go of each other. “It’ll be over…”

And it did.

No one can pull them apart, they were two rare puzzle pieces – and they fit perfectly together.

XI.

Two days after the incident that happened in the ward, Liam and Louis’s body were found somewhere on the streets, lifeless, and a number of broken bones.

Witnesses said that they saw them running away from the hospital, being chased by the guards and nurses, but they were fast – running hand in hand, both of them smiling as if they were doing something so heavenly. They went inside a tall building, something that could be seen from the rooftop, and they ran all the way upstairs.

It was a lovely night, and the two jumped graciously as if they were flying.

Only Zayn knew what the real reason was. Louis was Peter Pan, and he needed to fly. Liam could run, and a fast runner could allow them to jump higher. Louis flies, Liam runs: it was the absolute tandem. No one would know that it wasn’t depression from the death of their two other friends but it was just Peter Pan, wanting to fly with the person he wanted to be with, in Neverland. It was always their dream to fly, to be free.

The ward closed after the series of incidents, and nobody saw Zayn after that. Some said he went back home, but others said he also took his own life to follow his four friends – but no one has proved it yet. No one had seen him, or his body.

They were all rare cases – but no one will ever figure out what really happened behind the tragedy.

After all, Niall, Harry, Liam, Louis and Zayn are all part of the reality that only special people knows about.

**THE END**


End file.
